12 things parents want you to understand about traumatic birth experiences

Written by me and ChatGPT.

Childbirth is often portrayed as beautiful, empowering, and miraculous—but for many families, it’s far more complicated.

According to a review published by the National Institutes of Health, up to 45% of women report having a traumatic birth experience, and roughly 1 in 3 describe their delivery as emotionally or physically distressing. For some, the aftermath includes long-term emotional wounds, and nearly 9% of mothers go on to develop postpartum PTSD, as reported by Harvard Health Publishing. Others face postpartum depression, which affects approximately 1 in 8 new mothers, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

My own story is one of those statistics.

My own birth story included four hours of pushing, begging for a C-section, and feeling unheard by medical staff. The result? A traumatic delivery, a hospital stay of over a week, and my baby spending most of that time in the NICU—away from me. Once home, I suffered with postpartum anxiety, depression and am still left with some PTSD from the whole thing.

My baby was worth it and I would endure it all again for him in a second.

But, after walking through that experience I think there are some things parents who experience traumatic births would like others to know.

10 Things Parents Who Experienced a Traumatic Birth Wish Others Understood

1. We are forever changed by what happened. The experience lives in the back of our minds and shapes how we move forward.

2. We may be more protective, strict, or selective with our child because of the lasting impact of the birth experience.

3. We might need space—especially during those early days at home. If we ask for it, please don’t take it personally. Our bonding with our baby was affected by time spent apart in the NICU.

4. We may hesitate to have another child right away, or at all, due to fears rooted in what we went through.

5. We carry PTSD from the experience. Certain sounds, like beeping monitors, or certain moments can take us right back to the delivery room.

6. We deeply understand how precious our baby is—and how differently things could have turned out for both mom and baby. This awareness can bring added stress, especially when considering growing our family.

7. We might parent differently than others expect—more hands-on, more cautious, more intentional.

8. We want to protect our little family and its peace at all costs.

9. We love deeply and fiercely.

10. We still need your support and check ins. You won’t bother us with asking if we need anything or if we would like a visit (even if it takes a few times due to the baby’s schedule).

11. We ask you to be patient with us as we move forward. Things are tricky sometimes as new parents navigate life with the littles and often find themselves in survival mode. That’s when parents need grace the most.

12. We’re here for others walking through birth trauma, postpartum complications, depression, anxiety, or PTSD. You are not alone.