Postpartum depression: finding faith and balance in this season

Postpartum depression is so different than “regular” depression.

To me, it seems so much more emotional and is linked to insecurities and anxiety. I know how to deal with depression. I’ve been in dark places before, I cried out to God and prayed, and he’s delivered me. But this is a whole new journey, and frankly, sometimes I don’t know what to do with all these emotions.

I want to write the people a letter who came up with the Knoster Depression Scale Screener that I have to take every time I take my son to the children’s clinic. It makes me want to pull my hair out.

Don’t ask me how often things are “getting on top of me.“ Ask me instead if I feel like myself and what strategies I am using to cope with a new lifestyle. Ask me instead if I’m holding all of my emotions in or if I am sharing them with trusted family members or individuals. Ask me instead, if I seek moments of joy in every day or if I dwell on my anxiety of making mistakes that could harm my child. Ask me instead if I believe my mental health is my identity in this new season. Ask me instead if I’m reminding myself every day how strong and capable I am, how much I love my child, that I was born for this, and that this is just a season or a phase that will soon pass.

I reached out recently to a friend to ask how she is doing. She told me she still struggles and her child is at least a year old. She told me she focuses on fitness and remembering that this is just a phase.

The way I cope is through words and writing down my emotions. Writing has always been medicine for me since middle school and I’m very passionate about sharing my story and inspiring others when possible.

As I sit here, putting my makeup on motivating myself to go to a job that I love with most of my heart, I’m battling the mental strain of leaving my child, knowing I will miss him today. I find comfort in knowing he will be OK, trusting God will take care of him. But, it doesn’t make the anxiety or depression go away and I’m OK with that for now.

However, the most frustrating part to me is when relationships can be neglected because I am in survival mode. If you’ve had postpartum depression, you understand. If you’ve had a small child, you probably understand what I mean when I say survival mode. It is all I can do to maintain going to work to a job I love and coming home to be mommy and wifey which I love even more.

That is probably the hardest thing to balance.

I hope in time I will learn how. I hope in time like everyone says, things will get better and I believe they will but, for now I’m bearing my soul and my heart this blog because it is my medicine. I pray the others will find it to be helpful.

If you get anything out of this post please know that you are not alone, none of us are, no matter how we feel sometimes. Our minds can play tricks on us.

Sometimes the way we cope with big events isn’t what we dreamed of, but this too shall pass I am certain. One of the best things I ever did when I experienced depression was falling into praise and prayer and to keep going.

That sounds so simple and easy, but it was not. If anyone asks me now how I plan to cope that’s what I will tell them because that’s all I know.

And above all, my God has a plan, a purpose, and He will carry me through every season of life until He calls me home. That is what I am resting in this season.

I pray you will find peace as only He can give, grace abundant enough for each day, and joy in all the blessings of the little things all around each day.

Thanks for taking time to read my heart on the page. I pray it has blessed you in some way. ❤️