Postpartum ponderings: Trusting God through trauma

I have a rough birth story that consists of 4 hours of pushing, me begging for a C-Section and some medical professionals who weren’t the most helpful in those moments of intense labor. We ended up with trauma, a little more than a week stay in the hospital and my baby spending most of that time away from me in the NICU. I also am in the process of postpartum and healing from a harrowing tear. To say it was an emotional rollercoaster is putting sugar on it. It was traumatic. And I am still healing.

Through all this I have asked God why it turned out this way. My first baby. He’s had His hand on me my whole life and time and time again He has protected me from harm and troubles. But this time it felt like He lifted His hand for a few moments.

And instead of feeling safe under His wings, I got a few scars out of my lessons.

I also struggled to ask what am I learning? What are You trying to teach me? What in the world?

But I’m sitting here because now I have time to. And I’m gleaning in this moment from this season what I can take of it and make of it.

Here are some ideas and things I’m gleaning.

1. God’s people are not immune to troubles and hardships.

Sometimes we think being His children and having His favor means having a cakewalk life. That is just not true. Through our troubles we find our weaknesses. In those times of weaknesses we must trust God and draw from His strength not ours to carry us.

“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

— 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

2. We must learn to rest in Him.

I have learned that rest is more than physical rest. I must learn to be quiet and to talk to Him more. If I don’t do that, my body will do that for me in the form of sickness.

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.’”

— Matthew 11:28

3. We must desire God over our comfort.

I did not know this one thing about myself. I knew that I strongly value security but until now I did not believe that I have often chosen comfort and convenience over God’s calling for me. But I wouldn’t have chosen to walk through these challenges if I had a choice. Does that make me a phony or just human?

Man, can I really learn to be content when I’m sick? When I am weak? When my body is ripped and in need of healing?

I think this is something we must grapple with in this life. And I am here grappling.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

— Philippians 4:11-13

4. We must know we will walk through seasons and survive. These are seasons of life. And the Bible says there are seasons for everything (it didn’t say the seasons were easy).

For everything there is a season,

    a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

    A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

    A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

    A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

    A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

    A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.

    A time for war and a time for peace.

What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

— Ecclesiastes 3: 1-11

So, friend, wherever you are, remember to keep pushing, keep praying and keep trusting. This is just a season and soon you will look back with a grateful heart and a testimony of how you made it through. Until then, keep grappling and keep growing.

God will never leave you.