Why I can’t just ‘Let Them’: Choosing grace over detachment

There’s this philosophy that’s gained popularity in this generation and I just can’t adopt it that way of thinking.

It’s all about feelings and protecting oneself from pain by letting others act without holding them accountable and without going out of your way to simply love them well after they’ve done you wrong.

Here’s a summary of the philosophy by ChatGPT:

The “Let Them” philosophy, made popular by Mel Robbins, is a way of thinking that encourages people to stop trying to control or change others and instead focus on their own peace and boundaries. The idea is simple: if someone is acting in a way that upsets, disappoints, or confuses you—let them. Instead of wasting energy trying to make them behave differently, accept that their actions reflect who they are, not who you are. This mindset helps reduce stress and frustration by reminding you that you can’t control others, only how you respond. It’s useful in friendships, work, parenting, and personal growth—helping people set healthier boundaries and focus on relationships that bring value rather than chasing validation from those who don’t reciprocate.

However, some people argue that taking this approach too far can be risky. If you “let them” in situations where someone is being disrespectful, toxic, or harming themselves, it can lead to avoiding necessary conversations or ignoring problems that need to be addressed. There are times when standing up for yourself, setting firm boundaries, or stepping in to help is the right thing to do. The key is balance—knowing when to walk away and when to take action. The philosophy isn’t about being passive or letting people mistreat you, but about focusing your energy where it truly matters—on your own growth, happiness, and the people who genuinely value you.

My Take in My Own Words

This philosophy sounds great. But, I personally can’t adopt it. Why? Because in my opinion, “letting people” make their own decisions and detaching from them easily because of behaviors isn’t very graceful to me. I feel like it could lead to a life of isolation and loneliness if one isn’t careful.

If Jesus responded to me that way I’d be long gone by now. I believe in grace. Unnecessary grace. Undeserving grace. Even unreciprocated grace. And that’s who I want to be. I want to be that person who loves so much and gives so much even when it hurts so much. Because that’s Who my Savior is. And we all need that kind of love.

Yes, there are toxic relationships you must break free from. No, you don’t have to nurture those relationships. But, you can still love those individuals in a healthy way and honor yourself by making space. In those situations, ask for discernment and clarity from God but be brave enough to take the next step when those answers come.

Over the years I’ve learned and grown and made countless mistakes. Now, I’m at a point in life  where I refuse to let someone else’s actions take me out of character or alter who I am at my core.

I will choose to love them despite their actions and “let them” act, but not miss out on grace and reconnection even if it is uncomfortable, even if it’s not immediate and even if it seems unlikely. I am an eternal optimist with a realist approach.

I understand the idea of focusing on what we can control and how healthy that is.

But what about prayer?

What about change?

What about accountability in relationships? Forgiveness? Reconnection?

Healing can hurt.

Healing can take time.

But healing is possible!

And I believe it with my whole heart.

Maybe the theory should go something like:

Let them be them and you be you and God be God.

That seems more logical. Because no matter what, you will be heartbroken and disappointed. But that doesn’t mean you have to stop loving or stop praying. Stepping back can be healthy but don’t just step out. When you feel like that, invite God into the chat. Give it to Him when you’ve given it all you can. He will take it from there and He will do His great work.

And then you can let them watch a miracle take place.

And then you can let them back in.

But most of all, let them see love, be loved and know the Author of Love heals all, knows all, sees all and there is nothing He can’t do.

My friends, it’s been a very strong blog with my opinion painted all over it.

My prayer is when it’s easier to step out and let them be all alone, I encourage you to rethink that.

May we choose grace and love over hurt and hate. May we pray and let God take it over. Father, please heal our hurts and stir us to forgiveness. It’s only there we can serve and love best. Thank You for Your undeserved grace upon grace. May we take it and change the world with the beautiful love You’ve given us. Amen.