February: A reminder that self love is essential

I’m sitting here at lunch working on a half-popped bag of popcorn, along with a Kit Kat and a Pepsi I nabbed from the vending machine. Did I mention this is the second bag of popcorn I popped today because the first one was burnt?

Anyways, it’s February and that means it is love month.

I know that Valentine’s candy has been out since December, and that for a lot of us, Valentine’s Day isn’t the biggest day of the year. Many people spend oodles of money to prove they love their honey. Some will mope. Others will go on until the candy goes on sale a few days later.

No matter what crowd or school of thought you’re in, I think we can agree on one thing.

We could all do a better job at showing ourselves the love we want so desperately for others to give us.  What if we bought our own Valentine’s candy any month just because? What if we talked kinder to ourselves, gave ourselves grace enough for mistakes and time enough to step away and breathe when we need it?

We’d feel so much better. At least, I would.

According to Psychology Today, “Positive self-talk is one of the most valuable tools you can use to keep yourself emotionally and mentally balanced. Many Olympic and professional athletes use it every time they practice or compete … Positive self-talk is also a great way to self-soothe, and you can use it anywhere. It can help dial back the anxiety and depression from your moods, and it’s a simple method of building self-esteem. The real beauty is that all these things happen at the same time when you say positive things to yourself.”

Wasn’t that beautifully put?

I’m a huge proponent for positive self-talk even though I am not the best at it. Sometimes I’m the first to criticize myself, my work and my outlook on the situation, which is kind of toxic.

But, I do find that asking for feedback from others on a project that I feel can be improved always improves the outcome. So, I try to take my criticism and use it as a lens to improve. However, all my fellow Type A people pleasers know that my initial thought isn’t positive before I decide to ask for feedback from others and that leads to a need for validation from others.

But, before you call that morbidly unhealthy, consider my cliff notes version of a study from the National Institute of Health on the impact of our words to our cognitive function.

Here’s the Pros and Cons list thanks to ChatGPT on the study.

Pros and Cons of Positive and Negative Self-Talk on Cognitive Performance and Brain Connectivity

Positive Self-Talk (Self-Respect)

Pros:

• Enhances executive functions by strengthening dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (DLPFC)connectivity.

• Increases confidence, which can be beneficial in stressful situations.

• Engages default mode network (DMN) and self-referential processing, potentially aiding long-term well-being.

• Supports a positive psychological state, reducing anxiety and emotional distress.

Cons:

• May lead to overconfidence, reducing attention to details and task accuracy.

• No significant improvement in cognitive performance compared to negative self-talk.

• Can result in impulsivity, potentially leading to riskier decision-making.

• Does not necessarily increase motivation or sustained effort.

Negative Self-Talk (Self-Criticism)

Pros:

• Improves cognitive task performance by increasing focus and motivation.

• Encourages a challenge-oriented mindset, leading to higher problem-solving effectiveness.

• Induces a less confident state, which can increase internal motivation and careful attention.

• Reduces cognitive fatigue, helping sustain longer periods of mental effort.

Cons:

• Can have long-term negative effects on mental health, potentially increasing stress, anxiety, and depression.

• May reduce confidence to an unhealthy level, leading to self-doubt and lower self-esteem.

• Can make individuals more risk-averse, possibly limiting creativity and innovation.

• Does not provide the emotional support or psychological resilience that positive self-talk offers.

Conclusion:

• Short-term: Negative self-talk may be more effective in boosting immediate cognitive performance and motivation.

• Long-term: Positive self-talk is likely more beneficial for mental well-being and sustained confidence, though it may not directly enhance performance.

• A balanced approach combining positive reinforcement with constructive self-criticismmay be ideal for both performance and mental health.

(Study link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8295361/)

I say all this to say that there’s a healthy balance.

And we could all use good words of encouragement.

Proverbs 16:24 says kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and health to the bones.

I’ve found throughout my life I have to encourage myself and love myself often in the times I need it most. Thankfully especially when I need it most, I can draw from the Living Water which only comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ as my Savior.

My prayer for you and I this month is that we are a little kinder to ourselves and we show a little more love to ourselves so we can then give that love to others who desperately need it.

Peace and love, my friends.